I just went to my friend Don's blog again. 21 comments to the last post. Most offering fervent prayers for healing from his cancer.
I confess that I can't pray about this. I don't think I believe God will do anything. I feel ashamed to feel that way, but it's true. It's not that I don't believe God cares, it's just that it's not the way He works. He doesn't heal people except in incredibly rare circumstances, especially when it's stage four liver cancer.
A lot of Christians would answer that we don't even deserve the blessings we do get, so just be grateful for every breath.
Something seems to be terribly broken with my faith.
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Despite 30 years of "being a Christian" I came to a place in my life where I found that my faith was dull and lifeless, and not worth much to me or anyone else, much less God. I decided it was time to deconstruct my faith, decide what I really believed, make it my own, and try to live it out in a way that makes a difference in my life and in the lives of those around me.
7 comments:
I have no answers for you. brother. Just wanted to say I'm here and listening.
Erin, thanks for being there.
I found it very hard to pray for my daughter's life when it hung in the balance. At times I could only pray that if it be God's will, could He please leave her with us a while longer and if she had to leave us could He please welcome her with the peace and joy she had been so cruelly deprived of. I too found it hard to believe that prayer was really answered. I think I worried that if I asked and God did not come through there would be nothing left for me - the new acquired faith that was keeping me going would vapourize. All I know is this: I have prostrated myself and prayed tearfully and desperately for 3 things: that my daughter's life be spared, that our family be intact once again and that my daughter find her way to wholeness. I've been granted two of these three, perhaps the third is in process. The logical part of me sees a coincidence; the faithful part of me sees miracles.
Whatever happens, Don's life has been a witness to the grace of Christ. If he survives it will be credited to God. If He takes up the place reserved for him in the eternal joy, he will have helped lead others to a place there as well and there is no better way to die.
May your battered faith be strengthened, Gary and while all changes around us, may you feel the peace of God's changelessness.
I am with erin friend hard to find words here one thing in my mind though don says he has felt Jesus with him all during this time he has had Gods peace you noted even though he is physically wracked with pain and wearing down he is very blessed by God hearing how you and don himself have described hid closeness to God during this ordeal helps my faith actually prayers contiuing brother
Oh Mariam, this is it precisely: "if I asked and God did not come through there would be nothing left for me -"
and I deeply resonate with this, "The logical part of me sees a coincidence; the faithful part of me sees miracles."
Thanks, Robert. Yes, the peace of Christ is abundantly evident in his life.
I understand the feeling of being broken. I don't have the answers for you. I wish I did. Know that I get it. Thanks for sharing your struggle with me.
When we come to realize that everything that occurs is the perfect will of God, our prayers become prayers of gratitude and thanksgiving. I start each day with a prayer of gratitude for whatever comes my way that day. It has made a big difference in how I pray. No longer are there prayers of supplication, only prayers of thanks and gratitude.
I just found your blog and see my link in your lists of blogs. It is very humbling. Thank you for reading my posts. It is amazing how far our reach becomes in the "blogworld". Blessings to you.
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