I wonder if I can learn to be succinct? I just edited the verbiage from "Welcome to My Blog" down to one paragraph. That feels better.
Why is it that I feel the need to go into so much detail? Why must I explore all the nuances, all the permutations? I think it must have to do with growing up being called a "retard". Damn those childhood ghosts!
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I wasn't cognitively impaired as a child, but I certainly was socially "retarded". However, as a child there was no distinction. When I was called "retard" all I knew was that my "world" was telling me that I was terribly stupid. Childhood sucked most of the time.
Were you considered to be really smart as a child? (Not that I mean that in the past tense...) That can lead to isolation as a child and becoming a particularly verbal adult....I know from experience...
I wasn't considered to be really smart, but I was sort of an art prodigy as a small child. Before I went to school I had my drawings analyzed by professors at the UW. I think if I had drawn the neck on a picture of a man I would have been studied and articles published. Whatever.
Always tremendously gifted creatively as a child. High expectations. I remember drawing in Kindergarten to entertain the teacher and the whole class. But I was totally clueless when it came to social interaction. I escaped into the world of books, which led to storytelling and writing.
I don't think that I was notably bright as a child. But I come from a line of fairly bright people. I think that's part of the problem. I always failed to meet expectations. My grandmother finished high school two years early back in 1920 or something. But there was no way they were going to let her into higher education early, especially because of her gender. And my mom skipped at least one grade.
And I was such a total geek. When I started doing lots of drugs in high school I finally found a community that would accept me as one of their own.
Forgive me, but I have to ask...have you ever been tested for Aspergers? The reason I ask is my youngest brother has it, but didn't learn of it until an adult. Once he was diagnosed, it explained a good many things about his childhood, and he came to terms with some of the ways he was "different", knowing there was a reason behind it.
Maybe it doesn't apply to you at all, but simply based on what you said here you might look into it if you haven't ever.
Erin,
No, I haven't been tested. I think that it might have fit as a child, at least as I understand the symptoms. There was an article on Aspergers in the paper a couple years ago. My wife read it, showed it me. And we both had the same reaction. It described our youngest son. My boys then read the article and they both had the same reaction. However, my son's symptoms are mild.
The thing that scared me was that when I had my brain surgery, my best friend from High School (class of 72, so it's been a while) asked if he could sit with my family while they waited. Afterward he told me that my son reminded him of me when I was in High School.
Now I don't think that Aspergers fits me, but I did have an eating disorder psychiatrist tell me that she thought I had ADD. She wanted me to undergo testing to confirm her suspicion. But she said she wouldn't know if insurance would cover the $1500 test until we had a diagnosis. I passed and stopped seeing her.
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